Not the bastards’ debate. Not the other bastard’s speech.

September 8, 2011 § Leave a comment

For those of you who are subscribed to this blog by email and got a message telling you that I was doing a liveblog of the Republican debate — then tuned in and found no such thing — I sincerely apologize.

I started out liveblogging diligently, but there was just too much going on. I found myself going for easy jokes and none of them were very funny.

I ended up watching the whole debate anyway. It was actually pretty strange –the main thing that jumped out at me was how nervous they all looked. Rick Perry especially. I don’t know if you’ve noticed, but his head never ever stops moving while he’s talking. When his mouth is shut he’s doing some Zoolander-esque pose, but then he starts yapping and he’s like a goddamn bobblehead doll.

Anyway, that’s basically all I have constructive to say about the debate, or anything, really. On the car ride home today, I considered not blogging directly about the election at all anymore and I’m kind of keen on the idea.

My reasoning is this: who a candidate is during their campaign as has almost nothing to do with who they are while governing. Why should it?

As far as I can tell, these are the rules of American politics:
1) The more power you have, the better.
With a corollary: Always do whatever it takes to get into office, to get that power. What you do once you’re there is by definition a lesser priority.
2) Never piss off a major donor.
3) Don’t worry yourself with policy, or what position you should take on something. We have focus groups for that.
4) Always have fantastic hair.

So, what does it matter what lies a presidential candidate tells to the people to get himself elected? Shouldn’t the last two presidents serve as a shining example that who you are during the campaign has almost nothing to do with who you are when you’re in power?

And once again, it all comes back to power. I’m getting pissed off by the truism “power corrupts” because I think it’s backwards. Power is not some dark force sealed in stone at the end of the earth that possesses and corrupts the good and honest person who with the best intentions happened to seize it; those who seek individual power as a means to an end will simply continue using and increasing individual power as a means to an end. Any corruption was there to begin with — if anything, it was a precondition to taking power.

On a meta note, I just bought a bluetooth keyboard with money from my jorb, I synced it up to my phone, and I wrote this whole darn post on the phone. The keyboard folds up and fits in my pocket. I’m envisioning using my phone as a newfangled kind of typewriter. I’m envisioning blogging about a riot on this thing from the roof of a strip club. I may have stolen every single idea in this paragraph, including the idea to get a bluetooth keyboard and write on the phone, from Warren Ellis, god bless his soul.

Good night, my little antelopes of impending doom.


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